I Got Your Valentine.. Right Here

I don't DO Valentine's Day. I mean, I used to; come on, we all did. But Jesus-tap-dancing-Christ, no sooner have we put Santa's fat ass away until September than Hallmark, See's, Victoria's Secret and Captain Cock's Dildo Clearance Center bust out with commercials telling you what a useless, cheap piece of shit you are if you don't shell out for 'that special someone'.

You know what? I tell my 'special someone' every day that I love them. I text them at work to inquire about their day. At the afore mentioned Santa Day, I go overboard. I send cards whenever. So, I feel pretty secure when I say, 'Honey, Valentine's Day is boo-shit.' And why the hell is it all aimed at guys? Women can't participate? Wasn't that what all those ugly broads in the sixties burning their not-bought-at-Victoria's-Secret bras was about? Hey, my lady sent me roses at work last year, and it knocked the other girls out. You could tell they'd never bought their man flowers. And, f you if think a guy getting flowers is gay; I like flowers.

Besides, I set aside a day as 'I Love You, Baby' day; now, that's probably kinda gay. But the price of roses is a lot cheaper.